See this 9 year-old right here?
He’s pretty amazing.
He loves to race BMX bikes:
He climbs rocks {and mountains}:
He also swims, plays basketball and football with his friends, and has recently taken a liking to wrestling.
And he consistently earns straight A’s on his report cards.
His Dad and I are so proud of him.
One thing that drives us batty, though?
The video games.
Gamecube, Sega, Wii, DS, PSP…
They drive. us. crazy.
“Can I play DS?”
“Can I play PSP?”
“Mom, can I play Wii with Jack?” (This is my favorite, because he thinks that if he mentions Jack, we’ll give in.)
We used to hear these questions every 30 minutes.
But we don’t anymore.
Through {lots of} trial an error, we figured out a system.
It totally works for us.
I never thought much about it, or considered it “our system” until I was talking to another Mom at Apple Camp last summer.
She overheard Michael ask me if Apple Camp qualified him for extra video game time (it didn’t) and asked what we were talking about.
Then she asked to hear more about what we do.
Then she told all the other Moms at the camp.
That was a little embarrassing.
So, I thought maybe someone else could benefit from our trials.
You’re welcome :)
Here are our rules:
1. No video games on school nights. Michael’s not allowed to ask to play video games on a school night. I don’t ever want him rushing through his homework to get on his PSP, and with the busy evening schedule we have I don’t want to be asked every few minutes. So, if you happen to see Michael playing video games on a school night, it’s because I am being selfish. Because I said “Hey, Michael. Go grab your DS so I can have a few minutes of quiet.”
2. Unless there’s a “special occasion” (see #4), no more than 4 hours of games on the weekend. 4 hours may seem like a lot to some of you. Don’t forget, Michael earns all A’s on his report cards, hasn’t gotten into trouble at school since kindergarten, and is a great kid. He does chores {usually without whining} and helps around the house when asked. That said, he can choose to use all 4 hours on Friday night or spread it out throughout the weekend. But once it’s gone, it’s gone… kind of…
3. It’s possible to earn more game time. Michael can earn more time in front of the screen, but he has to go outside to do it. Roughly, 1 hour of outside play time earns him 30 minutes of video game time. And no, he can’t earn weeknight play time.
4. Playing at a friend’s house is considered a “special occasion.” As are report card weekends, sleepovers, and nights that we hire a babysitter. We don’t want to have the “boring” house that Michael always wants to get away from. We allow more video game time when friends are over, and when he is at a friend’s house playing, he plays by their rules. Yes, *gulp* if Scott’s Mom lets him have video game marathons, then Michael gets to do that, too. (We decided this through trial and error. For a while, nobody wanted to come to our house, and Michael always wanted to leave. We took that as a hint that maybe we were being a little too controlling.)
5. Every once in a while, throw in a “marathon day.” Yup, you heard it right. This is a new idea, we have only done it once. But I think it’ll be good. Maybe he’ll get bored after a few hours… maybe he’ll find something better to do… maybe he’ll play for 12 hours straight and end up with crossed eyes. We don’t know. But I wonder if, over time, he plays less…? There’s only one way to find out.
The bottom line? Tell your little addict when they can play. Tell them when they can ask to play. This has made a world of difference in our house.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Love it!
Sounds like a great plan! Michael is an amazing kid, thanks to your creativity and loving discipline! <3
We have the “no video game rule on school nights” too. It did, however, take me a while to explain why games on the computer were also “video games”. I’m glad we instituted that rule. Now, I am really leaning towards no TV on school nights. The TV sucks them in like moths to a flame.
I have heard parents talk about this over and over. They worry about obesity in children….”My child is teased and tormented in school” “They have no friends” Why? Because as soon as they get home they are 1. On the computer 2. Watching tv and eating junk food 3. “Do you have any homework? No Mom did it on the bus, or in school, etc.” Does Mom check it out just to make sure? No, and then when the report card comes and says “Does not complete homework assignments” she wonders why that is happening. Must be the teachers fault. Well, I can tell you, it’s not the teachers fault.
I have seen you and Steve stand over him at the table cracking the whip – and overweight? My God, that kid is nothing but skin and bones. He gets his sunshine, he gets his A’s, and he gets rewarded for it. And I am very proud of him and you and Steve as parents.
Way to go, keep it up. And great way to help out other parents also.
Michael is an AWESOME, AMAZING, PERFECT(!!!!) boy. Jack’s pretty incredible, too! Why? Because you and my brother are AMAZING parents! You two are incredible parents, and it shows in your kids!
OMG I love this!
I have to ask, at what age did this start? I’m looking at my 3 yo who watches a bit too much Dora in my opinion (not a lot, but just, honestly, a bit too much) and am wondering if she would understand this type of structure. Currently, I just do the “no TV yet honey, maybe in a little bit” which can trigger whining until I distract her with something.
.-= Chelsea´s last blog ..Easter 2010! =-.
This worked for us, too, particularly for our son who is now 16. Our rules were a bit different, but the important point is to set guidelines, and then consistently follow them. We had a “no tv or video games after 6 PM on school nights” rule. In order to use them before 6 PM, all homework and family chores had to be done. And, yes, that went for the pre-schoolers too, (there’s a 12 year span between our oldest and youngest and we started this when our oldest was about 8). During the summer the video game limit was 2 hours per day, but they could earn more playing time by either reading or playing outside. In addition, there wasn’t any playing at all during the week until progress had been made on Scouting goals. (So, if they were smart, they’d do something on Sunday so they could have privileges all week.) Keep up the good work!
.-= Becky´s last blog ..WMFW – The Handy Dandy Egg Slicer =-.
I’m going to try this…they don’t get electronics until homework is done but totally eliminating it on school days is genius. I don’t know about those marathon days, I think my oldest could play and play non-stop. Then I get the “well you spend lots of time on the computer” thrown back at me. Oy!
.-= jen@ourdailybigtop´s last blog ..Today =-.
Those are great ideas Becca, and it looks like they are working. Be consistent with your rules but also maintain the flexibility to change when necessary!
Love you guys!!
Wow! What a great idea! I have 2 little addicts in my house, but can’t use the ‘school night’ excuse to keep John off of it since he doesn’t have school… But I think I’ll be having a convo with James tonight about this idea!
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Not Me! Monday – day after Easter =-.
Great ideas! Mine aren’t into video games yet, other than the occasional Wii Bowling game with Aurora. But my husband and I play video games and I think it encourages fine motor skills, reflexes, problem solving, etc. I think you have some great tips that I will be using. An Michael sounds like a wonderful, amazing kid!
.-= Christina´s last blog ..Happy Easter! =-.
Thank you so much for sharing this. My son is also a video game addict. I have tried many different things but I become so strict even I can’t follow the rules. I am glad to see that you have set reasonable boundaries.
.-= Mindy May´s last blog ..Good Friday =-.
Yup, the plan sounds very reasonable for me. Can anyone let me know what do you do about the tv? Do you allow it or not? And if yes, than for how long? I would appreciate if you share..!
Thanks!!
.-= Eva´s last blog ..I am baaaack! :) =-.
I WILL need these rules back from you in a few years…really. Do they work for husbands too?
Those are good rules…I may have to implement some of them for Boo. Not even Hunter, except when at our house since he has no video games at his Mom’s.
.-= Kellyn´s last blog ..That Number – Boo’s head =-.
We don’t do video games during the week either. Same basic reason. That, plus we also have football, horseback riding, ccd, brownies, cub scouts, etc., and if we do video games, when do they have time to play–and use their imagination?
I like a lot of your rules…and I also relax when other kids come to our house, and like you said, if they are at a friend’s house, they play by their friend’s rules. This school year has gone so much more smoothly this way.
Honestly, my oldest boy would rather play outside, shoot hoops or play baseball/football any day over video games.
My girl? Could not care less about them.
But Henry? He is the one that could play all day. Luckily, he is the easiest to distract…he’s happy to do whatever, whenever.
.-= Kristenkj´s last blog ..Fierce =-.
I love your ideas and I’m so glad you are sharing your ideas with others.
You’ve got his number alright.
Funny, based on these pictures you’d never guess Michael was a video game junkie. He appears to be more of an outdoor adventurer!
.-= Darcie – Such The Spot´s last blog ..Looming Days =-.
I honesly think that the no videogames/ tv on school nights is complete tartar sauce. Sure, if a kid spends an hour on his homework, half an hour to have supper and an hour or so with a friend, that leaves them with (depends what the bedtime is, but let’s say 10.00. That’s still around 4 hours that they are sitting around on the couch groaning or begging you to let them on the Internet/video games.
Really think about it. Your kid when he goes to his friends house after he uses up his hour, except for the odd times, hes just playing video games at their house.
This is honestly just my oppinion, but I would allow my kids on the games after they are done their homework for atleast an hour.