Just the other day I was thinking to myself “The boys are getting older… I hope they never stop doing things to make me laugh. I would have nothing to blog about!” Maybe I should have knocked on wood, because this week the hits just keep on coming…
Warning: There may be TMI here in this post, but you’ll get over it. I promise.
2 boys. I have 2 boys. I am outnumbered in my house 3 to 1. Do you know what that always meant to me? It meant that I wouldn’t have to have “the talk” with the boys. Because that’s what Dad is for. Right?
Wrong.
I have purposefully been a little bit “shady” with my answers to the boys about how they got here. Is it the right thing to do? Probably not. I’m a smart girl. I know better. We taught the boys to call their “parts” a penis. We don’t have them say weiner, Walter, or dooper (uh hmmm…. Mom).
But when I had a 4 year-old (Michael) asking where his new baby brother (Jack) came from, I swear it was SO much easier to look into those little eyes and say “the doctor cut him out of Mommy’s belly.” It was the truth. And Michael never asked where he came from, so I was answering the question that was directed at me. That was my way of not having to say “Yes, Michael, Jack was cut out of my belly, but you came out of my… well, you know… ” I just don’t think he needed to hear that.
Which is how I got myself into this here situation.
Fast forward five years. Sitting at the dinner table. Just me and the boys. Eating.
Michael: “Mom, the doctor cut Jack out of your belly, right?”
Mom: “Yup.”
Michael: “Don’t all babies get cut out of their Mom’s belly? Some of the boys at school say that… ummm… babies come from… you know… what we have… down there… but on a girl. What’s that called?”
*Quick break to mention that we have a very strict NO INAPPROPRIATE WORDS AT THE DINNER TABLE rule. After a recent crazy meal where I couldn’t control my boys, penis was added to the list.*
Mom: trying not to choke “A vagina.”
Jack: “Agina? That’s a funny word.”
Michael: “Ewww. So sometimes babies come out of there? How? Why?”
Mom: “Most babies come out of there. The human body is an amazing thing, and that’s just how it works.”
very proud of myself at this point
Michael: “But we got cut out of your belly, right?
Mom: “Yes, Jack was cut out of my belly.” (which has been my standard answer for the last 5 years, even though I am an adult and Ishouldtellthewholetruth)
Michael: “Jack was? But… me? Did I come out of your…”
Mom: “Yes.”
Michael: yelling at this point “Gross! That’s not fair! Jack got cut out of you and I came out of your…”
Jack: “Hahahahahahahahahaha….Michael!”
Michael: “Mom, REALLY?”
That’s about when I had to leave the room, ashamed, because I let my 9 year-old son believe that all babies were born via c-section because it was SO much easier than explaining the “old-fashioned way” hysterically laughing with water coming out of my nose and listening to Jack tease Michael because of the inferior way that he came into this world.
What have I done to my poor children?
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh friend. You know I love you, right? But, yeah. I really wish I could have been there for that. If for no other reason than to watch you squirm. :)
.-= Darcie – Such The Spot´s last blog ..A Friend Indeed =-.
Literally LOL here, Becca … and if you tell me that Steve is at Marilyn’s, I’ll be ROTFL. Really.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
It’s times like these that I am glad I live thousands of miles away and not right next door. Because I know that this would have been one of those times that you would have said “Why don’t you go ask Gramma Teetsie. She’ll tell you!” Thank you.
OMG I am dying right now! SO funny!!!
.-= Chelsea´s last blog ..A random assortment… =-.
Hahaha….seriously…LOL!!!
LOLOL! Sooooooo funny! Poor Michael. Hahahaha, still laughing!
I am cracking up at this dinner conversation. I can’t remember if we’ve had that talk yet but I’m going to remember the “a body is an amazing thing” line. Hopefully that will be enough in my house :) Good times!
.-= jen@ourdailybigtop´s last blog ..ww: contemplative part 2 =-.
Oh man…That is STINKING Hilarious! Oh man…I would have lost it. Water out the nose and everything! That rocks!
.-= Kellyn´s last blog ..Boo’s Room – The great room switch part 3 =-.
Becca,
I just LOVE your stories, and this is a GREAT one! Hysterical!
BECCA!!!
I love it. Poor you. I’m hoping that I can take a “pass” on having that conversation. Eitherway thanks for sharing because I was laughing out loud the whole time and I needed a good laugh today!!
Amy
.-= Amy´s last blog ..All work and No blog :( =-.
OH my God, how did I miss this post!!! This is hilarious!!! I have also used the C-section thing, legitimately, as an answer. I finally had to come forth with the answers in a car trip one day. http://nosmallthing.wordpress.com/2009/03/21/the-talk/ in case you’re interested. Good times.
.-= kristen@nst´s last blog ..Fwotties can move mountains. =-.